


if you ain't talkin' money

by amsves



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), SMP Live (Minecraft)
Genre: 'haha gay' jokes, Crack Treated Seriously, Don’t copy to another site, Explicit Language, Gen, i wrote this for them BECAUSE THEY ASKED FOR FANFICS no one doxx me, the boys are broke™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 20:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19933831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amsves/pseuds/amsves
Summary: The boys try to start a new business.





	if you ain't talkin' money

**Author's Note:**

> If a single person comes at me with the 'fanfics of real people are gross!!1!' argument I will PERSONALLY escort you over to Michael's Twitter and then after showing you the tweet he sent complaining about the lack of fanfic about him I will have the ender dragon launch you into the void thank you next.
> 
> Those of you who AREN'T haters, enjoy!

MichaelMcChill and Pokay stared in disbelief at the Wacky Wheel. Poke had spun first and gotten all of his tools changed to stone  _ again _ . Michael had spun immediately after and also gotten all of his tools changed to stone. “What are the odds, dude?” Poke wondered aloud.

“Man, I’m totally broke now,” Michael despaired. “I’m serious. I don’t have a single diamond. Grinding is going to take forever without Efficiency and Fortune.”

“Don’t you have those funds from the Carsonival? Just embezzle those,” Poke said jokingly, but his heart wasn’t in it.

Michael punched Poke once. “Yeah, yeah. Seriously. We gotta figure out a way to make some money.”

They wandered around Downtown, taking in the various shops for inspiration, but nothing spoke to them. Dejected, they returned to the Tree. Michael placed a sign on the message board that read ‘Please help, Michael and Poke are broke thx’. 

Poke gasped. “I’ve got it, dude!”

“Got it?”

“I’ve got the perfect idea! We’ll be swimming in diamonds in no time!” Poke enthusiastically crouched in front of Michael and punched his knees. “Dude, listen to this. ‘Poke and Michael’s Scribe Services.’ Sounds cool and professional, doesn’t it?”

“Poke, what are you on about,” Michael deadpanned.

“Just  _ listen _ , okay? This is the big brain play of the day.” Poke took a deep breath. “Look around. Look at all the signs. Writing on signs is tedious, right? Remember when HankVenom pranked CaptainSparklez by writing ‘Revenge’ on all those signs? What if you could pay someone to do all that labor for you?”

Michael still wasn’t convinced. “That’s a pretty niche market. I think you picked just about the only example of that on SMPLive.”

“Okay, but we don’t only do signs,” Poke continued. “Remember when Carson wrote that episode of Gumball in Minecraft? That was a lot of writing. We could have written it for him. Someone wrote the Twitch Prime holy book, we could’ve done that labor. Plus, signs are all over spawn, so with books and signs combined, I think we’ll be  _ bleeding  _ diamonds, dude.”

Michael sighed into his mic. “Alright, Poke. Let’s do this. But I’m calling it now, we’re not making any money off of this.”

“Oh, ye of little faith,” Poke sing-songed. “I can’t wait for you to realize just how wrong you are in this moment. Let me know how being wrong feels, will ya? I’ve never once experienced it.”

“Uh-huh? Not that time you and James rode your boat off the End island and into the void? Or any of the other dozens of times you’ve done something stupid and died and lost your items?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, MichaelMcCum--”

“Don’t you fucking--”

“--but we should really get started on building our store. I’ve got tons of stone and wood and stuff in my base. What kind of materials are you thinking? I’m picturing granite.”

“Just wondering, why granite specifically?” Michael asked wearily as he followed Poke to grab the building materials.

“It’s the color of books,” Poke explained. 

“I mean, sure. Kind of. Actually, screw it. A granite hut with an acacia door and roof.”

“How would you feel about pink carpet on the floor?”

“We could make pink glass panes to match.”

“You’re kinda getting into this, I can tell.”

Michael punched Poke again.

They made it to Poke’s base without any deaths and grabbed all the materials he had. On the way back to spawn, Michael asked, “What kind of prices should we charge?”

They brainstormed until they reached the plot of land at spawn that would thenceforth become the most lucrative shop of them all, before eventually deciding on their rates. Poke placed down the granite cornerstone, and the building began. The work was tedious, but their friendly banter passed the time super quickly. Eventually, their store was complete: a 7x7 granite square with acacia door and roof, pink carpet, and pink stained glass panes. The signs on the wall outside read ‘Poke and Michael’s Scribe Services’ and ‘For all your writing needs!’.

The rates were posted in the line of sight of any customer who walked in the door. One could pay one diamond for three signs, with their choice of wood type, text color, and location. One could also pay for a book of any length, with the price being one diamond for one page. Miscellaneous writing supplies were also sold, with a stack of books going for ten diamonds and a stack of paper or leather for one. Neither of the streamers actually had any of those materials, but they were confident they could procure them before they were actually required. The sale of books and book supplies was their secondary market, after all. The real money was in their labor.

They posted a sign on the message board at the Tree and waited. After a whole day cycle had passed and no one had placed an order, Poke took to advertising in game chat while Michael posted in the SMPLive Discord. Two more day cycles later, they still had made no diamonds.

“Don’t say I told you so,” Poke said preemptively. “I understand the problem here. No one wants to be the first person to invest in a business venture. We should each purchase something from our store, just to prove that we actually deliver and all that.”

“But the whole point is that we don’t have any money,” Michael countered. “Are we gonna go strip-mining? I’m gonna have to change my stream title.”

“Michael, I have to admit something to you,” Poke said, uncharacteristically serious. “I wasn’t entirely honest with you earlier. I actually have one singular diamond in my ender chest. I will use it for the good of our company.”

“You’re a brave soul,” Michael said sarcastically.

Poke took it to heart. “Anything for my boy and our business.” He deposited his last and final diamond into the chest marked ‘Pay Here’ and gathered three signs. “I’m going to put these right in front of the Nether portal. That way, people have to see them.”

They journeyed to the portal. Michael watched as Poke performed his first duty as co-owner of PAMSS (Poke and Michael’s Scribe Services). The first sign said, ‘Michael is gay.’

“Oh, fuck you.”

The second sign said, ‘Sign written by Poke and Michael’s’, and the last sign said, ‘Scribe Services. Please support thx bb’. 

“Now we just wait for the money to roll in,” Poke said confidently. Moved by his partner’s faith, Michael went over to the ender chest and procured a single diamond lovingly embezzled. Poke gasped. “Michael, is that--”

“Shh!” Michael interjected. “I’m borrowing it. For the good of the business. This business’ success will help the Carsonival too, so it’s basically not even wrong. But don’t snitch, chat,” he added.

“So it’s not a crime, but you’re also warning chat to be silent?” Poke teased. 

“Do you want me to spend the diamond or not.”

“No crimes here!” 

Michael ran back to their shop and dropped the diamond in the payment chest before grabbing three more signs. He placed them along the path from the Nether portal to their shop. They all read ‘PAMSS this way, for all your writing needs!’

“I’m worried that people won’t know what PAMSS is,” Poke said after Michael was finished. 

“I’m more worried that this whole idea is a waste of time. I haven’t even gotten any more Twitch Prime subs since I spun that stupid Wheel.”

“Maybe the real Twitch Prime sub is the friendship we forged along the way,” Poke said wisely.

Michael punched him.

“Okay, okay, stop punching me! How about we try and sell PAMSS to Ted?” 

In the end, Ted Nivison Enterprises purchased PAMSS for a total of six diamonds, three apiece, enough for both Poke and Michael to get new diamond pickaxes. Both boys learned their lesson and left their tools in a chest next time they spun the Wheel.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me and request bingo squares on [Tumblr!](http://www.skeletoncloset.tumblr.com)


End file.
